The Midlife, In My 30s Crisis

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Some people manage to achieve a lot before 30, and during their early thirties, but for some, the 30’s can be a challenging struggle of trying to settle down. As you figure out what you want to do and realize if it’s possible for you to pursue what you desire successfully. This time isn’t about fooling around. I think we’ve all learned that just because we want to do something it doesn’t mean that we’ll be good at it, make money or even get hired. Finding the right career at this time is essential. Make sure you’re in the right place. We want to fill our cups with warm and cozies, but it’s cold out there, and it's not easy. People are really hustling to establish their own projects, but also to establish their lives as full. People are also figuring out what they want to do and trying to put that in motion.

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How This Affects Everyone?

It seems these days that everyone has their own idea. Everyone wants to open up their own shop or start their own platform. This is great and inspiring at that, but it’s not really bringing in the bills. At least not at first. Of course, there are those corporate types who would never give up their healthy salary. Still, this is the age of making a mark. People respond well to vulnerability and the more that becomes exposed the more we start to look at the problems we’ve been running from.

How This Affects Women?

Women are especially challenged as they work to build their careers, but also start to think about marriage and babies. With the maternal clock ticking, getting babies out before 40 is generally the mission. I feel I have encountered two types of women (though there are all types), one who is career driven, married and wanting to start a family. The other waiting for prince charming, not looking to make it on her own, happy to stay at home and take care of the kids full time. This isn’t an easy job, but there are women out there who will not work just as there are women who never want to have children. It all depends on how much you personally make, but more and more you see the dual income, which might be necessary if you plan on putting more than one kid through college. Raising kids in this world is expensive and you have to think practically sometimes.

How it Affects Those Married in Their 30s?

It might seem like everyone has the perfect family on social media, but you never know what anyone is going through. Infidelity could have taken place, money might be tight, the sex might have fallen out, or you battle the desires for a baby in an almost perfect relationship. We all have our problems and some of us are simply better at hiding them than others. This is what people are conditioned to do: ignore. Avoid and move forward towards the greener pastures, which are bound to come. Sometimes to live is just to wait, wait for things to blow over, wait for things to get better, wait for something to come through. It all seems like a bunch of waiting, especially to those who watch their younger siblings make it to the altar before them. We just want to get it right, and we don’t want anyone to know about our failures. When in truth, it is those failures which make us human and make us better partners. We need to grow and expand, we need to develop as we’re still children ourselves. We don’t always think about the things that being responsible means giving up. Some of us aren’t ready to stop hanging with the boys every day. Some of us aren’t prepared to say “I do”, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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How it Affects the Single Girl?

This is probably the worst time to be single. So many people are tied off and the doable dating pool gets smaller and smaller. You can’t lose hope, but it is easy to lose it. As you watch your best friend or your brother get married, you see the joy and can’t help but want that for yourself. Options are good, but it isn’t easy out there. Online dating rules the world, and not everyone is savvy with this. Some people just prefer to meet in real life and base their connection off pure energy and chemistry. The single girl in her 30s has that added pressure upon her to find someone because she knows she’s not getting any younger and even Carrie Bradshaw couldn’t pull off the 40-year-old bride. As Murphy Brown tells Carrie, "forty is the last age a woman can be photographed in a wedding gown without the unintended Diane Arbus subtext." To be clear, I fully support the 40-year-old bride as I know it takes some people longer to get it together. As I also know some people are career driven and have big work and scholastic goals.  

Society puts an expectation on age, we live in an age-driven culture, but we need to acknowledge that age is merely a number and people are defined through their own experiences. The 30s might seem like one wild, mind fuck, but I think it comes with the age. Don’t get chewed in by the expectation of your age. I’ve been told by many that they partied their 30s away. In the end, it is up to you. Some people like getting to a certain point before a certain time. Some people race themselves to see how much they can achieve. You determine for you what is best, and hang in there, you’ve survived thus far and you will continue to survive.